December 7, 2009 *A Difficult Day*

Today was emotionally overwhelming. It started off fine, until i received an IM from a REALLY CLOSE friend i hadn't seen in months. He left SL and told me the only reason he'd come back would be if he needed to contact important people, including me. He asked if I could talk, and i said sure. He had me call him. He was staying in a different state than he lives in. First, he apologized for leaving suddenly out of my SL and real life. He was actually wanting closure. He wanted to die. What? Why?? About 2 months ago, he fell in love with a woman in his RL, that he prolly shouldn't have. She was married, and has been for over 10 years. She left her husband and moved 3 states away to be with him. He was so happy, she was so happy. But, then one night, he went out, and when he returned she was gone. She left him an envelope on their bed stating that she went back to her husband. As much as she loved him, her life was broken, and she needed to fix it. She also wanted to go to counseling with her husband, and even if it didn't work, she tried. He was devastated. And, had every right to be. But, he wanted closure with her too. He didn't want that her "good bye" was in a letter. He wanted that her good bye was face to face. So, he flew to her state, only find that her husband had put a restraining order on him.
Some months earlier, he also found out, that he was ill. One day he was playing his XBOX 360, she sitting behind him reading a book, and suddenly he got cold and his temperature went up to 101. They found this odd that it came on so fast. So, she took him to the hospital, and they had tests done. They found that he has a tumor on his adrenal gland. Now, it's not terminal, it can be operated on, but if it spreads, it will be lethal. But, he doesn't have the money or the insurance.
So, anyway.. as we talked earlier this day, he told me he wanted to die. He was planning to commit suicide. He didn't know how, but it was going to happen. He came to California to die. I didn't know what to think. I cried. I did not like hearing my friend talk this way. At first, I was sad. Then, i was upset. He hadn't slept, but 4 hours in 3 days, hadn't eaten, hadn't changed his clothes. He was depressed, rock bottom depressed.
After i got off the phone with him, i called my SL mom. I wasn't sure what to do, and i needed to talk to someone. She told me to call the police. At first, i thought, oh.. he is going to be so mad. But, if he REALLY kills himself, that doesn't really matter what he thinks. After, i hung up the phone, i pondered about it. I was really nervous. I had never called about someone contemplating suicide before. While i was thinking, the son of my friend's alt logged inworld. I told my friend on Skype, and he said, "tell him i love him and i'm sorry." I IMed his son, and said, did you get an IM from your dad? He said, yes.. what is going on? I explained to him everything, and asked me for the phone number. I said, "my mom thinks i should call the police. What do you think?" He replied, "yes, call the authorities right away."
So, i did. Before i dialed, i asked my friend how he was doing, he said, he was feeling worse. I asked him, if he REALLY was going to kill himself, he replied, yes.
I called the local police, and told the dispatcher, that i have a friend who is contemplating suicide, but i am in a different state. Thank goodness, i knew so much information about him, his RL name, his RL birth date, his RL city where he lives. She took down all the information, and was asking me questions that i had to ask his son. Has he taken anything? Is he okay? Is anyone there with him?
When the police arrived, the dispatcher told me to tell his son to tell my friend, to come out of the room, they wanted to talk to him. But, that he needs to have his hands empty. My friend went out. He came in a short time after and left me a message on Skype saying, "the police came, i'm going with them, tell my SL mom." I'm glad he went with them, hopefully he'll get a good night's sleep, food, a shower, and some medication. Although, i know i did a wonderful thing, i feel sad this evening. Out of sorts. I really hope he's going to be fine. I really hope he's going to be fine.

December 6, 2009 *Reality of Hunger*

I love my new job at Chelsea's Children's Clothing store. It's so much fun. I've worked practically everyday and she has so many CUTE outfits. I think i'm gonna have to keep a list of all the things i wanna buy with my gift cards. She gives us gift cards instead of Lindens, which is fine with me. :) She told me i do so good, that makes me happy, cuz who doesn't like to be praised? *purrs and slightly wags tail* hehe.. don't tell anyone i wagged my tail, that could be compared to a dog. LOLOL
Anyway, she told me today, that she's purchasing a full prim sim! Woohoo! Congratulations, Chelsea. I have such a cool boss lady. *giggles* I asked her to let me know my hours, cuz i dun wanna accidentally go over my limit. We're only supposed to work 10 hours a week. But, it's so much fun! :D
We recorded the show on Friday.. What is this show i keep talking about? I, along with Koffeekid Smalls and Yuki Eliot, co-host an SL kids radio show called, Milk n Kookies. I love this show, and this job too. I couldn't ask for better co-hosts. We all mesh so well together, and have become such good friends. Yuki and Koffee live together, and Yuki used to live in my RL city. But, obviously by the previous statement, Yuki moved. :P It's the Christmas season, so we've been doing our annual fundraiser. SL Kids help RL Kids. Last year we raised $1,200.00 US dollars. So far we've raised $900.00, and we've got 3 weeks to go. Everyone has been so supportive and eager to help. The day Rainb0w Lollipop heard about it, she IMed me to let me know the Vortex would put a donation poster up, and she'd give her DJing tips, and also her sister. I mean, her sister, Arianna Pinkerton, would help, not that Rain is going to give her sister as a donation. LOLOL Aspen Nights got on board, and so did Thirsty Kids, Star Dreams, among others. It's so thrilling that so many want to help. I was trying to get the designers to make an outfit and give all profits to the charity. I'm not sure how many have, but Kyia Dreamscape put a poster up at school. ^.^
Koffee, Yuki and I talked about the charity we're raising for on the show Saturday. It's a New Jersey Food bank that is located inside The Church of God. Koffee did an interview with the head of the organization. He did a great job, and he had me read his blog entry on the show. www.mnkcharity2009.blogspot.com/2009/12/reality-of-hunger.html You can listen to this show and all the previous shows on www.mnkradio.com

December 3, 2009 *My New Job*

I started a new job this week! ^.^ Yeah, i'm still the female co-host, the FEMALE, the ONE and ONLY female co-host on the Milk N Kookies Show. :D But, i wanted somethin to do inworld. :) So, i applied to some places for a Customer Service Representative position. And after 2 very disappointing *sad pandas :(* rejections, I got hired at CCC: Chelseas Childrens Clothing. She is so nice, and her clothes are uber cute. On Tuesday, she showed me the store, and how to clock in. We went upstairs to the breakroom and she taught me how to make my schedule. It's very cool. She has a super cutsey powder room in there too! Hehe.. later that night i went back in and took a closer look. :P I met one of my co-workers, a girl named Maddison. She was nice. :)
Today i had my first shift. It was so much fun. I LOVED it! I mentioned the Midnight Madness Board in the group chat, and people started comin! ^.^ I'm so good. Hehehe! It was for a green velvet dress that comes with tights and shoes. A 325L value. ^.^ I showed a few people around. I still have lots to learn, but i loved it. Skippy and his friend, Agnarr came in. Millie stopped by too. :) I'm interviewing Millie for the show next week. She's been in SL since December 2002! When it was still in BETA. i'm very excited. I bet she has lots of interesting things to share. :) Skippy and Agnarr are funny. Agnarr told me that Skippy needed something for ballet. I suggested a few tutu's the store carries. And, Skippy said that Agnarr needed panties. The store does sell those! But, not thongs, like Agnarr needed. Then Skippy asked about transvestite clientel. I told him that Chelsea can work with them. She will make alterations. :)
I'm looking forward to my next shift. I may go in tonight, but i'm also going in tomorrow morning and will display the 50L Friday outfit. ^.^ Again.. Thank you Chelsea! :D

December 3, 2009 *School*

I started school Tuesday! I was so excited. I had never gone to school before, and i was anticipating. Iactually went down to enroll days too early. :P My momma took me down to register on the correct day. Hehe.. I would be attending preschool had i not noticed that she accidently signed me up at the wrong kiosk. It may have been fun. I thinks they've got a turtle in their classroom. :) I have a turtle, in fact, i have 5 of them. Jack and Bailey are the mommy and daddy turtles, and Bailey keeps getting out. I make sure she gets back in her tank, cuz i dun want her to starve! :O Anyway, Mommy took me out to get my school supplies, i gots a Hello Kitty lunch box and thermos, notebooks, pencils, a backpack full of sweets from Razzberry. My Auntie Akasha got me a binder from Reek. It was so much fun. :D

So, i started Tuesday. I got to Hardknocks Elementary School. My Auntie Akasha took me. She's so funny! ^.^ She dressed up as my dad! She claims she's my dad. I have 2 moms, so she's my daddy. Who's your daddy? SHE'S my daddy! Hehe! :P She had a mustache too! LOLOL! It was cutesy. When the door to my classroom closed and i sat down, she cried happy tears. Her little girl was startin school. ^.~ She said it must have looked funny for a tiny to take a tiny to school.

My teacher is Miss Katey and Miss Lei. But, i'm really confoozled, and it doesn't take much to makes me confoozled. But, the other kids keep sayin that only Miss Lei is our teacher, so i dun know what happened to Miss Katey. Anyways.. we had a substitute. She really teaches at the highschool. But, she took care of us that day. She was really nice, but i forgot her name. :[ We introduced ourselves; shared 3 things we liked or about us, and one thing that we find annoying. I said, i loved being with my friends and family, i am the female co-host of the Milk n Kookies Show, and i am 8. The thing that annoys me is when people think they are better than other people. After introducing, we went to lunch, and it's a good thing too, cuz a boy named Blaz3 was eatin Cheetos right in class! :0 I had a peanut butter sammich and milk. Then we went to recess. I didn't really play cuz i didn't know anyone. It was snowin outside too! ^.^ After recess we went back to class and i dun know what happened but, one of the boys got his feelings hurt after a girl called him a baby and he left! D:

After school got out, i went to find my momma, and i thought only she was gonna get me, but Auntie Akasha, Grammy and Grampa were there! I was so happy. I loves my family they are the best ever, and so wonderful. <3

I went back to school today. I go on Tuesdays and Thursday, 2-4pm. And, we didn't have our teacher again! I thought, "ohhhh, my momma is gonna be really mad." Miss Brittany came and took care of us, and Miss Lena, the principal, had to explain to us what happen. I guess our teacher's computer is broken and she can't make it in. 2 of the girls left! One exclaimed that the school was stupid and a waste of money! :o Miss Lena shared with us that next Thursday we won't have school cuz Friday is a big snow activity! I hopes i can go. ^.^ They'll be makin snowmen and sledding! *claps hands* We hafta come up with a flag that represents our class. My friend Mato had a very good suggestion of calling us Miss Lei's Shooting Stars. ^.^ I likes that. And, we thought of lots of things we can put on it. One girl said we can have a campfire with oranges standing around with arms and legs looking up at shooting stars in the night sky. Hehehe! I thought that was very funny. I suggested we could have flowers on the flag for Miss Lei (Hawaiian Leis), but admitted that was very hokey. Then we went to lunch. Even though i brought a lunch, Mato shared her burrito with me. It was HUGE!! It made us sink into the seats! :0 And, her friend had a HUGHMUNGO rib like on the Flintstones! She said she got it in Bedrock. I believe it! We spent the rest of our school day playin outside. I didn't go off by myself this time. I stood by Miss Brittany and Mato and talked. I think i'm gonna likes school. I hope i likes my teacher. :)

December 2, 2009 *Drama*

Like several children in the virtual world, Second Life, i have started a blog.. an online diary if you wish. Ooooh.. to be able to read the thoughts of an 8 year old Neko girl. =^.^= Well, it won't be that juicy... I will be sharing things that have happened to me on this daily journey.

BUT.. if it's negative, i will not be divulging names. As, i do not want to cause any unnecessary drama. And, you know how so many feel about drama *rolls eyes*.. leave it at the front door. Although.. it's only really considered drama if it's someone else's. Cuz, if it's your own, it's important.. right? It's not really drama, in your opinion, unless negative emotions are happening. I mean, to the person who is "starting" it, normally i don't think they're meaning to do it. For example: 2 recent drama's in my life...

Oh! i just realized, you may not know who i am. I'm going on and on about drama, and you don't even know who the heck is sharing these insights.. LOL

The name i'm most known as is: Sage Kostenbaum.. my REAL name is, as I figured out the other day.. Figured out the other day, you wonder? Haven't i always known my REAL name? Well.. Oh, and you'll find that my mind may dart from here to there.. hehe like a butterfly..

I was reading profiles.. yes, i will admit i am an avid profile reader, and there's nothing wrong with that. :) We talked about that on the show once (i'll discuss what the show is another time), about people's profiles. We found that most people like it when something is written in a person's 2nd Life profile. It makes you more comfortable with them. I like to know their background. I mean, i guess i could just ask them, but, i wouldn't know how to approach them. I have a friend named Sage Seda.. he's a boy. My friend Scrythe was Midnight Madness Board slapping one day, when he IMed me, informing me he saw another Sage.. a guy. I, of course, immediately asked him for his name, and looked him up. His profile reads: First off Sage is a boy... i IMed him, and the first thing i said was, Nah uh.. Sage IS a girl. He responded: no, Sage is a boy. Which is hilarious, cuz when i first entered the children's community, i very frequently could be found in the dance clubs, Aspen Nights, to be specific.. and quite often someone would say... SAGE IS A GIRL?! Which is so funny to me, cuz it's not like i was wearing jeans and sportin short hair. I wore dresses and had long hair. That's the EXACT reason i entered the HIM&I&US Commune. It was kinda an experiment. The "Commune", not to be confused with Koffee's Commune (I'll explain who that is in a bit too), is a place only for boys. Since so many boys have exclaimed "Sage is a girl?!", i wanted to see if anyone would notice me there. They were having a pajama party, and i borrowed a pair of Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles pajamas and wore my hair short. I had the same girly skin i always do, although some boys DO wear makeup, so i guess it doesn't matter. No one said anything to me, and later to find out that a few who did notice me, those who knew me, thought perhaps i had been made an honorary boy. Well, that was a huge drama in itself. A few days later, i bragged about being there in open chat, and it got back to one of the security guys, and i was kicked out of the group. I don't remember how i got back in.. oh! i think it was cuz i knew someone who had rites to invite people, and he got me back in. I will NEVER tell who that was.. but, i'm not even sure if he's even still in the group. Now, during all of this, some of the boys DID NOT like that i was in the group. And, rightfully so, considering that it was ONLY supposed to be for BOYS. Some felt that i was thinking it wasn't right for there to be a boys only group, or why should SHE be able to be in? Well, I DIDN'T want any other girls to be in the group, and considering that so many boys made the mistake of thinking i was one of them, and so many of my friends were in the group... why kick me out? In case you're wonder WHY all my friends were boys, it's cuz for the longest time i was not comfortable around other girls. I felt it easier to talk to boys, like they were more real. It's not until now, approximately a year and a half later, am i having the desire to have GIRL friends. I wanna dress up, have sleep overs, be silly with other girls. I only have one close girl friend.. Soboku Karu. I met her when i lived on Kikai.. and even then i was a little hesitant when my twin brother Skippy, urged me to get to know her. But, anyway.. the long of the short of it.. one of the leaders at the time, asked me if i would willingly leave the group, or he would kick me out. I asked him if he would allow me to say my goodbyes in group chat. Wow.. I opened the chat, and said something like, I have been asked to leave the group and would like to say goodbye. Immediately people were asking why? What happened? I explained and some were not happy. I mean, i never openingly discussed that i was a girl. If fact, some liked that i was in the group. Talk about drama, they ended up having a meeting about me. Several were threatening to leave if i stayed, and some were threatening to leave if i was kicked out. I met one of my closest friends, Ankii, through that meeting. He became one of my biggest supporters, cuz he felt my situation of being asked to leave because of my gender was practically no different than being scrutinized for someone being gay. Well, by the end of the night, i was allowed to stay in the group, AS LONG AS if i was on the commune grounds, i dressed as a boy, wore boy skin and hair and represented myself as a boy. I agreed. I never went to any activities really anyway.. I wasn't really comfortable being a boy. Plus, i didn't want to spend a lot of money on my looks, although, i WANTED to be a CUTE boy. The skin and shape i had.. *makes a disgusted face* I wouldn't even want to date me! LOL I did go to a couple of events. I went to a swim suit party.. and even though i had a boy's shape, i WAS NOT comfortable being topless. I also went to a dance. I bought a suit from one of my favorite boys Tsukasa Sakai (who has since "died" - deleted his account). I left the group once. Yeah, i felt that since i never went to the activities.. oh! i had a bunk there too, but i didn't sleep there.. what was the point in staying? I informed one of the leaders, Waki, that i left. He asked why? Which is ironic, considering originally he was not fond of me being in the group. He was one of the biggest supporters of me leaving. He was the one who asked me to leave. But, it was the principle.. the history.. being the only known girl to be in the group. He asked me if i'd come back. So, i did.

Why did i relate that story? *thinks for a moment* Oh yeah.. Sage Seda and profiles.. i read profiles. LOL.. Well, if you've read some of the descriptions in girls' profiles, you'll find that they often put their whole name. Their first, middle, last name and then the last names of their parent or parents. Well, MY middle name is Victoria. I received this name from Ankii. He just yelled it out once, "Sage Victoria Kostenbaum!" So, it stuck. :) I put my WHOLE name in my profile discription.. it's HUGE. As I started: the name i'm most know as is Sage Kostenbaum, my REAL name is: Sage Victoria Quintessa Dreamscape Kostenbaum Haiku. Quintessa and Dreamscape are my parents' lastnames and Haiku is my auntie's who claims she's my dad. LOLOL..

Back to when i mentioned that i've had 2 recent dramas in my life. I have had my own share of drama, and it is so true that drama makes SL miserable. Although some people like it, because without it, "life" would be dull. I am not going to discuss some of the drama i've experienced. I wish to not relive them, and this is my blog so i will choose what i will discuss. :P But, just recently i had 2, in my opinion, dramatic things happen. And, you know.. sometimes great things come from drama. You know how drama happens? We invest our feelings into this virtual place. And, i don't think we can help it. Some people call Second Life a game. To many, and myself included, Second Life is NOT a game. There are no levels to complete, you don't slay any monsters, you don't earn anything.. well, i suppose you COULD compare it to a game, (the levels of friendship, the demons you possess or those who cause your drama, you earn friendship and Linden) but it's not. But, sometimes when your feelings get hurt, you have to step back and tell yourself it isn't real, it's just a game.. but, essentially it's not a game. Anyway, i HAD a friend who owned a clothing store. She IMed me informing that she was hiring Customer Service Representatives. So, because she came directly to me, I immediately assumed, which you should NEVER do, that i would get a position. When i found out that i cried, i cried.. i CRIED in real life. I went to my room, laid down and bawled... and then i thought.. WHY AM I CRYING? Cuz, i got my hopes up. I thought i had this job nailed. Well, i asked her why she didn't employ me, and i was happy for the girls who got the positions.. turns out one she knew one for 2 years and could trust if she went out of town, and the other she wanted to give the opportunity. She knew feelings were going to get hurt. She was only hiring 2 people and many applied. Mine got hurt cuz i misunderstood her telling me. I told my mom, she went to her telling her how wonderful i am, like any mother feels about her child, and i tried to explain to this girl that i didn't want my mother to go to her.. unfortunately in the end, this girl defriended me. : [

The second drama: I applied at another girl's clothing store. Why would i put myself through that again? I thought, perhaps i'd be hired, cuz, in my opinion, i filled out a great application. My references were 2 of the owners friends, who were also my friends, and my brother who would have uber positive things to say about me. And, i had to submit photos. I turned it in, waited a week. Yes, the application said don't contact the hiring manager, if she didn't get in touch with you, you didn't get the job.. but, i asked her if i got it, and if not why. I kept thinking about it.. how was i to know? Was i just supposed to wonder? What's wrong with asking? She responded that the answer was NO and that my look wasn't what they were looking for. Of course i was offended! I IMed her saying, that i was cute, VERY cute. She responded not cute enough to work for them. :( Wow.. ouch.. Well, the reason i share all this, is because through all this... i did get a job. :) I shared with my friend who owns a clothing store, with super cute clothing, what happened. She said, I'd hire you. :) So, i'm very excited. Just cuz drama that seems horrible at the time, and still does when you think back on it, slams a door in your face.. a window will open. Someone will extend their hand and say, you are cute and i want you to work for me. :) *whispers* Thank you Chelsea!

Oh, and i started school today.. but, i discuss that on another day.. along with who Koffee is (and Yuki) and what that show is that i mentioned.